He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
