So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
