So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
