Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
