obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
