Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
