I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
