if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
