my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
