Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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