and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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