I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
