Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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