i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
