i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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