Kareoke will never be a sober sport
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
