there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
