i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
