Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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