Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
