what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
