He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
