I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
