I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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