i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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