Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
