hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
