yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
