im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
