Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
