Banned from zoo.
Again?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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