Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
