And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
