I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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