No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
