yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
