Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
