He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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