Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
