so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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