Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
