I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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