I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
