I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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