just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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