I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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