well you can't waste a boner
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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