My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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