you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
