I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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