Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't deserve a penis
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
