Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I cockslap morals
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
