Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
